A hilarious, as usual, Charlie Brooker story on the Guardian website about visits to not so great theme parks made me recall a trip of my own to the sadly now defunct Nostalgia Town, many moons ago.
It would seem that history will not look with kindness upon Nostalgia Town, which was conveniently positioned on the main road between Caloundra and Noosa, at the fountainhead of David Low Way. It was a tiny theme park known primarily for its ghoul themed 18 hole mini-golf course, Graveyard Putt, but also incorporated “fun” events like remote controlled boats, a miniture rail way that encircled the mini-golf area, and horrible, ugly, automatons created to explain the concept of ‘nostalgia’, so I’m led to believe. From memory, I believe one such explained how cane farming was undertaken in ‘the good ol days’. Fascinating stuff!
Anyhow, one day a few of my friends and I decided to go to Nostalgia Town for a round of mini-golf. It was pissing rain and the place was deserted. The owners expressed disbelief that we had bothered to drive four hours from Ballina in New South Wales in the pouring rain for a round of mini-golf (Actually, we came from two hours away in Brisbane, but the owners were not to know). We claimed to be siblings who had got annual leave from the management of the Ballina caravan park and decided to spend that day at Nostalgia Town, after ‘being enchanted by the almost mythical allure of nostalgia town, woven into our minds by a tapestry of tales by the travelers that to and from our humble caravan park’. The owners were quite impressed, surprised that Nostalgia Town had such a glorious reputation south of the border. (edit: I’m reminded by a friend that we said that Conor was actually the mayor of Ballina, presumably taking some time out from his mayoral duties).
Anyhow, we played a round of eighteen holes, wistfully walked amongst the ‘nostalgic scenes’ that inhabited the main building, and yelp with glee as we battled for control of the murky green pond with our rusty remote controlled boats. Oh, this was truly a great day.
To add to the amusement, we stopped at a local Kentucky Fried Chicken for a feed, where Conor ate several meals of chicken in a chicken-related food challenge, only to stumble out of the store, towards the bushes surrounding the drive-in menu ordering station. You should have seen the horror on the faces of the drive-through patrons as Conor violently retched up half digested chicken while they waited for their own chicken related meal; it was truly a horrific, and yet quite amusing, sight.
We had bid farewell to our gracious hosts, and with a somewhat air of inevitability turned our backs on Nostalgia Town. A year later I rang to enquire as to the health this iconic Sunshine coast amusement venue only to found out it had ceased operation. Tears rained down upon my cheeks as hard and with as much violence as the raindrops that had soaked us on our glorious day at the venue a year prior; my office shirt drenched with salty tears as the former owner related the passing of the theme park. Woe was I.
You see, some bastards built a massive freeway bypassing the place, and consequently Nostalgia Town had run out of business.
Speaking of the aforementioned Brooker article, there was this golden comment regarding ‘crap’ theme parks placed on the blog that I had to share
“I took my lad to a Halloween theme park called Spooky World the other year. It was a farm.
The “Ghost Train” involved sitting on a trailer behind a tractor with about 20 hyperactive kids and a dozen fractious parents, getting pulled through some trees. There were an assortment of mannequins hanging from the tree with knives sticking out of their bodies like a no-budget chamber of horrors.
Just as it was all over and you were thinking ‘well that was a bit crap’ a screaming maniac in a hockey mask with a whirring chainsaw came bursting out of the trees chasing towards us and trying to jump on the back of the trailer.
At least half the kids and several of the adults instantly started howling inconsolably and a thin layer of piss and shit lapped at our feet.
Brilliant, it was.”